just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
