New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
