Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
