remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
