We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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