Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
