i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she peed on how many people?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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