just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
