What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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