Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
