The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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