Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
