quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
