It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
