he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
