somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
