i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
