And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
