Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
