hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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