I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
