I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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