why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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