My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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