my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
