At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
