There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
