I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
