Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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