To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
