The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
