dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
