We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize