he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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