you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
