You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
