Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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