no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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