Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did i walk over a car last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
