I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
