you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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