Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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