we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
