Did I show you my penis last night?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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