how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
