Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
