A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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