I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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