Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
