There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
