I think I died a long time ago.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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