I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Duck Duck Cougar?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
