I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
