just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
