Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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