i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
