He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
