I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
