I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
