If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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