I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
