rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
